There's one kind of unspoken ethics issue in the sex industry, when you get down through the nitty gritty - we indirectly condone infidelity. Yes, we will argue until we're blue in the face to teach you that sex work should be decriminalised, to show you that trafficking and legal sex work are such completely different things, to tell you about all of our ethical information discretion policies... but we do help (mainly) men cheat. Well, let me soften this a little bit.
How many marriages have totally dead bedrooms? Whether that's due to past trauma, self images issues, a fizzled attraction, children killing your vibe, mismatched sex drives or preferences, health concerns, hormonal problems, or other uncommunicated issues, approximately 15 to 20% of couples are in a completely sexless marriage. On top of that number, you also have the couples that are in marriages where the sex is unsatisfactory; no firm statistics on this, but one survey said an enormous 70% of respondents were unsatisfied with their sex life within their marriage. Couple all of this with the current divorce rate (which is, of course, slightly skewed due to those who have multiple marriages and divorces), and you have some pretty depressing and unhealthy relationships out there. Most of these people really do love their spouses; they share a deep emotional connection with them, and have so much important to share in the relationship, but sex is still a really important aspect if you're not asexual. As one of my friends, whose husband suffers from a low sex drive, says: "Sex is only 20% of a successful marriage. But when it isn't there at all, it feels like it's 80%."
In an ideal world, these couples would be open to discussion about having some needs met elsewhere. Unfortunately, many people do not feel comfortable bringing this up with their spouses, or their spouses would not be alright with their partners being physically intimate with another person. So how do you keep your beautiful marriage together when one (or both) of you is so completely unsatisfied in the bedroom, and therapy has failed or been dismissed as an option? Enter: a paid professional. I've seen so many men who have told me that they love their wives so much, and would never leave them, but she is just not providing the one aspect they need - they've come to a sex worker because we can fix their problem with discretion and without becoming emotionally involved. An affair many times involves one or both parties coming down with a case of the feels, so having a paid no-strings-attached sexual partner who is eager for your whole appointment and who can explore all manner of fantasies with you is more than ideal. We aren't interested in judging your niche fetishes or body type, we always make sure we are well presented, we have no intention of bumping into you in public on purpose, being jealous of your wife, talking to your acquaintances, or telling anyone your secrets. Will a secret lover be as professional?
I'm not saying it's completely ethical, but I am saying it's the lesser of the alternative evils, and it may keep a family together who would otherwise be apart due to a sex drive issue. I also don't want to actively condone cheating - in an ideal world, couples could talk about all their issues with level heads and manage their jealousy appropriately when concessions must be made - this is not an ideal world. I have been in open relationships before, and we set rules that could be easily followed, but I know not all relationships are like that.
How do I avoid getting caught?
We really would prefer that our clandestine appointments with clients aren't the cause of a marriage implosion, so let me give you a few tips on how not to get busted, though it might feel awful to have to resort to sneaking around.
At the end of the day, sex workers exist to provide a service. We are not here to take you away from your spouse, and we understand you may have a need to be discreet. In our personal lives, the vast majority of us abhor cheating (and, by the way, cheating simply means breaking the rules of a relationship; if those rules say you can have sex with someone else but not form an emotional attachment, then having sex with someone who is not your partner is not cheating), but we cannot take responsibility for your choices, and nor would we have many clients if we chose not to see married ones. Your choices and the vast reasoning behind them is none of our business - all that matters in the moment is us.
Psychology Today: Sexless Marriage is Surprisingly Common
Sexual and Relationship Therapy (journal): Sex starved marriages sweeping the US (2010)
Wikipedia: Sexless Marriage
Huffington Post: Survey Says? The Real Scoop on Sexless Marriage (2015)
Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy: Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction Among Heterosexual Men and Women: The Importance of Desired Frequency of Sex (2011)
The Journal of Sex Research: Involuntary celibacy: A life course analysis (2001) - obviously the most important candidates to us in this study are those with partners.
The Journal of Sex Research : Sexually inactive marriages (1993)
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