As you can imagine, not all of my clients are from Australia originally; many come from countries where sex work is criminalised, and they have only managed to book in Australia because it's much less scary and daunting. This blog is for those who have followed our lovely sisters and brothers across the Pacific, and have been or are going to the United States, but are afraid of contacting a companion because they don't know where to start. As you read through this, I really would like you to keep in mind that the risk that sex workers face compared to their clients is so much higher. This is the case all over the world, but much more so in areas where sex work is criminalised. Not only are escorts risking their future careers, family relations, and a potential criminal record; we are always risking our lives when we see you.
Where do I find companions?
After the seizure of Backpage last year, and the passing of FOSTA/SESTA into law, it's been much more difficult to find sex workers online. As usual, we have adapted! You can quite easily fall down the rabbit hole on Twitter, looking at escorts and their profiles, and following people with stunning photos from all over the world. It's tricky, however, to sort by location, services, body type, and gender etc when using Twitter, as it isn't optimised for such.
My personal favourite for looking for American companions (and gleefully stalking their photos, you guys are stunning) is Tryst.link. You can select your own gender (or say you're a couple) and look for people you're into -- their filters include, eye colour, price range (hourly), service type (full service, BDSM, massage), gender, ethnicity, age, body type, hair colour, height, location, key words... Basically most of what you could really ask for. Tryst also shows which providers are available at the time you're searching, and which were most recently active on their profiles. On top of that, they have "related profiles" at the bottom of each escort's profile, so you can see if there's someone similar who you might fancy more! Most escort websites have filters you can use just like these.
Other American providers I asked say they advertise on the following sites, and this is where clients find them:
- Private Delights
- Erotic Monkey
How do I know they're genuine?
I've discussed this before in reference to Australian providers, but the same goes for the USA, for the most part. Keep in mind that many escorts at lower price points may not have the privilege to be able to check off all these boxes for you, and keep in mind that it is on you to do your own research -- don't be asking the escort for extra images for your own personal verification, unless they've offered it up. Also note that if you want to check off all of the things on this list, be aware that it will almost certainly come with a higher price tag.
An active social media presence
If you're here at my blog, the likelihood is that you came from my Twitter page, but other escorts may be on Instagram, YouTube, Switter, and sneakily on Facebook. You'll notice that I post quite frequent selfies, and that they're all clearly of the same person. You'll see that I retweet friends, and interact with other people's posts in a meaningful way -- this shows that I'm a real person! You can also usually see me get involved in the occasional activism (which shows that not only am I really a sex worker, I'm also a bit fiery). Most escorts do ask that you not privately message them on social media, as we generally reserve that for peers and established clients, but it's a good way to verify that you're interacting with a real person when you message the contact details provided in the advertisement. You also get a good gauge of whether you will click with them, as their personality is on full display.
Multiple ads on different sites
Paying for several websites to host an ad is a good way to see that the person you're talking to might be genuine. Scammers tend to stick to the free websites, and won't advertise anywhere more expensive. This is not always a perfect yardstick, as many escorts cannot be bothered with the extra admin, or can't afford multiple websites, but still provide an excellent experience.
Verified images and many images
Many advertising websites will "verify" images to ensure that the pictures posted on an ad are of the person who is advertising. Classifieds sites will not do this. The usual method here in Australia is for the escort to dress in the outfit that is in their photo, and take a picture with a sign that says the name of the website, their name, and the date. Many US websites insist on ID and face images to verify age, but personally that seems really extreme for me in a country where that could be used as evidence in a court case. If a worker's advertising says that their images have been verified, you can add that as another data point that they're probably genuine. The more images, the better -- it's really hard to find lots of images of one person if you're scamming clients. Just to be sure, you can reverse image search their stuff!
A personal website
Here you are, on mine! Take a good look around when you're finished with this post. You'll see a history of photo shoots I've done, my pricing structure, some frequently asked questions, my contact details, and a description of what I offer -- most escort websites follow this sort of structure. Everything you need to be able to book will be right there on their website. If you check out the bottom of my pages, you'll also find I have terms and conditions to cover myself, and to help my clients manage their expectations of our time together. All of this information should help to put your mind at ease.
I'm sure many of you know of my stance on reviews -- they are absolutely necessary in a service industry, but the culture surrounding them is toxic. If you want to read a huge rant on that subject, I have an entire post, right here. Reviews are an important puzzle piece to add for concerned clients. Each experience for clients is individual and cannot necessarily be effectively measured in a rating, but if a brief account is given and people recount if the provider was like their images, delivered on the service promised, and acted in a professional manner, you can make an informed choice. They should obviously be taken with a grain of salt! Reviews can be written by the providers themselves, or by enemies who want their business to do poorly, but an overall picture of all their reviews should give you an idea. Again, this isn't perfect, because some escorts refuse reviews, and some haven't been around long enough to have collected any.
TER, the old review page, is now no longer around in the USA. But several advertising websites permit reviews to be given to providers that are visible along with their ads -- I'm told Private Delights and Erotic Monkey both have review sections, but the latter is less reputable.
How do I ask for services?
Unlike Australia, where you can usually just ask a provider what their service includes, you need to be much more discreet in the USA. Remember that the escort you're contacting is at much higher risk of arrest and prosecution than you are, so they are naturally wary. On top of that, consider the number of time wasting morons they find in their inbox every day, and you might be able to understand that they don't really have time for people who can't abide by their rules. A straight up, "can I perform oral sex on you?" is highly likely to get you blocked, even if it is part of a much longer message -- why would they admit to providing something illegal? Australian clients who ask for incall services in VIC, this goes for you too. Put your chosen provider at ease first. Don't expect them to admit to breaking the law to just any idiot who sends them a text. You might want to screen first before you ask explicit questions.
Please note: many providers have the information on how to contact them written on their website or their advertising. Please be sure to read this, as each escort is different. This is a general guide and should get you chatting with most escorts, but remember that we all have our own ways of screening out clients.
Many prefer not to be asked at all, and the clients I talked to all said that they often don't bother asking at all and just roll the dice. This actually horrified me a little, because while I don't give lists of services to people who ask "what's included", generally people who want to know what you do are interested in a particular service. If french kissing is a big deal breaker for you as a client, and you wouldn't be satisfied in a booking without it, naturally you might want to know if the person you are booking will allow it or if they might charge a bit extra. To get around this, some companions are more detailed on their websites, and some will tell you through email. Many will just come right out on the ad itself, but doing so means you have less plausible deniability if you are arrested.
I'm really scared of screening, what should I do?
"Screening" is the term we use to mean the system by which we verify a client is a) really a client and not a cop, b) really a client and not a time waster, and c) not someone abusive. I have an entire post on why I ask for full names, but note that screening in the USA is often more stringent, simply because the risk is greater. If they screen, there's actually less chance that they're going to give up your personal information.
Escorts in the USA may ask for all or none of the following:
- Your real, full name and proof of such.
- Your place of employment/LinkedIn account.
- Your phone number (if you contacted them via another avenue).
- References from other escorts you have seen (in the recent past, John, not two years ago).
- Proof of residence or proof of hotel booking.
What are the laws, and how does that affect me?
For you clients, the laws in the USA state that prostitution is illegal everywhere except for 11 counties in Nevada, which only allow licensed brothels to operate. Prostitution is regulated under state and not federal law as a misdemeanour, but if it falls under "interstate commerce", it can be prosecuted as a federal crime. The only associated crimes that are punished on a federal level are sex trafficking crimes, and some clients have been prosecuted for tax evasion (associated with pimping), many have been done for harbouring and selling underage women. Generally, clients aren't prosecuted at all. If they are, they're usually the kind that are entrapped by police in street worker stings, and the charges are relatively minor. Police will not ask you for screening information or deposits -- imagine the resources necessary to catch just one John by posing as an independent who screens thoroughly?
Your risks as a client are more about your personal reputation, your marriage (if married), and your employment. Although, if you are a member of the United States military, it is my understanding that they can bring you up on charges through their system for booking escorts and for infidelity which may lead to the end of your career. If you get caught that is -- I'm sure, since you're not telling the entire world what you're doing, that it is a manageable risk.
Generally as long as you choose an escort with an active social media presence who screens, then you're probably not going to be any part of a police sting. Do your due diligence!
What should I steer clear of?
There are a few things that are red flags for clients:
- FinDommes who are brand new and demand things from you immediately.
- Advertisers on classifieds sites who are email only with few pictures or low resolution, likely stolen pictures.
- People who want a deposit before even discussing a time/place/services/duration.
- If the language in the ad is vastly different to what they sound like via text or email.
- People whose stipulation is full prepayment for all clients.
- Very old pictures that haven't been updated in more than a few years, no selfies.
This is a lot...
I'm sure this all sounds frightfully intimidating!! Remember that this is just a guide, and that you are free to take on whatever level of risk that you are comfortable with, just as we escorts make that same choice. If you want to book someone with one photo off a classifieds site for a quick tumble in the sheets, go for it! You'll probably find that they're only dipping into the industry to pay some bills, and you have a lot of fun. If you want to book someone who prefers you to provide two references, a deposit, and advertises across multiple platforms, do it! You'll have a wonderful experience with a professional who is invested in maintaining their business.
Huge thank you to all the American providers and clients who pitched in to help with my questions for this blog piece! Your assistance is greatly appreciated. Do let me know if there's anything I missed!