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Authentic Pleasure

Something that can't be bought

· Behind the Curtain

Something that has been bothering me for a while is on my mind today. Specifically, graphically: anal sex. I don't really enjoy it anymore. I find that I have come to dread having it in my personal life due to the lack of care that many clients display in my professional life, and I have been contemplating what to do with it as a service. I don't hate it, but... Do I remove it altogether? Do I only offer it to existing clients? Do I raise the price to make it worth my while? While contemplating this, I have run across some minor speed bumps; the biggest one is the subject of my blog: why offer it if you don't like it?

Anyone who is asking that question needs to do one thing for me, right now: check your privilege. Have you ever worked a job that you really didn't enjoy, but you also really had to pay rent? Congratulations, many sex workers are in the same position - this isn't their dream job, but capitalism exists. This doesn't apply to me as it stands, but it's something to consider when you assume that the reason your chosen escort is laughing along with your homophobic jokes is because she finds them funny and thinks you're a genius (spoiler: she secretly hates you, everyone does, don't be homophobic). There are many, many reasons why people do things they don't like, and survival is absolutely one of them; but what about things you can sort of tolerate (especially when the benefit is large) even though you don't enjoy them?

You probably do this every day. Do you do one of the chores your partner despises, but you kind of just tolerate, to keep the peace? What about for your boss? Have you ever laughed at a customer's crap jokes for a better chance of winning the bid for your company? Have you ever tried something for your partner that you weren't into, but you knew they were? Well, now you're getting a little closer to how I feel. I'm not super enthused about butt stuff any more, but I cannot deny that it will pay off if I decide to charge more; it's a popular service. I also can't deny that it makes my clients really happy! Unfortunately, when escorts try to admit this sort of thing, clients shy away from booking them for that service, and it does come from a place of genuine care most of the time (and the rest of the time from a fear that we will act unprofessional when doing that service). "Why would I book you for that if you're not going to enjoy it? I want you to have a good time!" Gents, the next thing I say is really going to hurt your feelings. Take a deep breath.

Many of the escorts you see... aren't actually attracted to you, and don't find the sex terribly enjoyable. I'm so sorry. This isn't just me talking about my own bitterness, this is a general consensus that isn't spoken about because for obvious reasons, it isn't good marketing. It's something that should really be quite obvious to anyone who knows anything about sex, communication in sex, and the fact that an escort is there to create a fantasy for the client; but I really don't think it is. Now young blokes, please don't get arrogant and assume I'm just talking about older men. You don't know my type. My type could very well be women only (and it is, for a lot of sex workers I know). My type could be no one at all, I could be asexual and only seek relationships for pure companionship. My type could actually be older men. The point here is: it's very bizarre to suddenly get upset that I'm offering a service that I'm not crazy into when you didn't stop to think that me being into you is not just a sign of being good at my job. You're OK with an escort not being attracted to you, as long as the fantasy isn't ruined - and that's alright, because we are there to give you an escape from your everyday life, but please understand that just because we charge extra for a service, that does not mean we are going to do it begrudgingly and unprofessionally. As a side note: I'm not really a very good actress, which I'm sure most of you can tell from my Twitter; I don't exactly hide my emotions. If I hate something, you'll probably know about it pretty quickly.

What you're paying for is not our genuine enjoyment; but our company, professionalism, time, services, and skills. We don't owe you an explanation of things we really like doing in our personal lives, or a breakdown of why we choose to charge extra for certain things (hint: it isn't always because we hate the service, mostly it's because it is in demand and therefore profitable). The point of reaching out to a sex worker is entirely about you and you only - you're not paying me for me to have fun, and I am highly invested in making sure you have a great time. You will probably actually get authentic pleasure from an escort, especially one you have a long-standing connection with (practice does make perfect, after all)! But please remember the nature of your relationship the next time you think about texting her, "If you like it, why would you charge extra for it?"

For me and my little butt stuff conundrum: I've decided to only offer it to existing clients for now. Those clients who I know are going to be caring and gentle, and hopefully make me less gun shy about it - maybe I will start to love it again!